They are at it again putting up tons of plastic cheap:

“Single?

www.oremsingles.org”

little white signs near busy intersections in Utah County (probably because of the upcoming June multistakesingles.org conference.

They don’t even tell you what web site they are representing until you fill out two pages of personal information about yourself (Why would you do that without knowing what company they respresent?).

If you get through that then they say “they will get in touch with you”

“We’ve received your personality profile and within the next few days a counselor is going to get in touch with you to get to know you a little better and see if our service is the right opportunity for you.”

Then they have like 4 or 5 pages of photos (obviously generic ones taken nationwide)

Then if you make it there you can view the source of the page and find out which web site they represent.

http://www.TheRelationshipCompany.com

and they give you this info

“We’ve received your personality profile and within the next few days a counselor is going to get in touch with you to get to know you a little better and see if our service is the right opportunity for you.”

after you see all the generic photos then they say this

“Thanks for Visting www.saltlakesingles.org . We look forward to speaking with you soon!”

I can’t figure out why people who own the property don’t just throw the signs out – because I really doubt therelationshipcompany.com is paying to advertise on their property. I just emailed them about it so we’ll see what they say

K, I am gonna go to the multistakesingles.org Singles Conference this month and so I thought I would write about the standard questions that you get asked at these conferences (or at LDS Singles Dances). Once I was tempted to write the answers to these on my nametag but I haven’t – yet.

LDS Singles Questions:

1. So What Do You Do? (translation: are ya making enough bucks for me ta even bother with ya?)
2. So Where Are You From? (translation: do you live in a decent neighborhood?)
3. So What Do You Do For Fun? (translation: if we start dating are you gonna come up with some decent ideas for dates, or No?)

If those questions go okay and if the person who is asking them is daring enough then they may go on to these questions:

4. So are you divorced? (translation: which category can I throw ya in: never married, divorced, divorced multiple times, widower, etc)
5. Why did you get divorced? (translation: what the heck is wrong with you anyway? The best answer I have heard for this question is “Why do you ask?” and if they keep asking “I’d rather not say until I get to know you better.” The problem with the second reply is if you say that, they still think that something is wrong with you and now think you are trying to hide it. The real thing about it though is that hopefully you say that so that you are protecting your kid’s Mom and not cutting her down, and/or yourself down, in front of every person you have met for about 30 seconds.)
6. How long have you been divorced? (translation: are you over her or are ya still weepy and trying to figure out how to get back with her?)
7. So was it just the one time then? (translation: are ya a lost cause that can’t figure out marriage?)
8. So do you have kids? (translation: are ya coming with baggage?)
9. How old are they? (translation: am I gonna have to be a-changin’ their diapers?)
10. When did you graduate from high school? (translation: how old are ya, ya old fogey, and are ya gonna make me do the math and take current year – graduation year + 18 years to get your age or what?)
11. When did you go on your mission? (translation: how old are you and are ya gonna make me do the math, mission year – 20 = birth year, plus or minus one, current year – birth year = age).

When some people ask these two age related questions ya can just see the wheels churning in their mind till they figure it out – I usually just tell them “fabulous ___” (or whatever has the same starting letter as your age – and watch what their reaction is. Lots of times it’s, “Well you don’t look it.” I’m tempted to say to them, “OK, well I will work on that one.”
12. How old are you? The daring ones (or maybe the ones who aren’t as good at math?) come right out and ask you.

This is the best one I have heard for determining what income category ya are in – or how much debt ya have:
13. So where have you been on vacation lately? (translation: are we going to the Bahamas on our honeymoon?)

There’s probably more but that’s enough for now.

So here’s what I was thinking of putting on my nametag:

“John Doe” and writing this around it 47, 2 kids (12, 14), rocket scientist, divorced (once, and 3 years ago)…

Another thing that is kind of funny (but frustrating too) is that I am in the weird position of being too old for the magic 31-45 LDS Singles activities and group, but too young (in my opinion) to feel really comfortable with the 46-120 year old singles group.

I just got an email today from the SLC-SA.org May Singles Conference “game night” interest group that I signed up for. There are only 9 people on the 46+ list (I think it is kind of funny how inexperienced people always email a list like that by putting the email addresses in the “To:” field and not the “BCC:” field – if you wanted to you could grab those email addresses and have at ‘em I bet there are a ton more people in the 31-45 group (since this was one of the most popular groups at the conference but I’m gonna have to go incognito and be dishonest if I wanna go to the 31-45 game night group that I feel more comfortable with right now.

Course if I did go to that group and someone asked me how old I was (believe me this is a popular question) I could scare someone to death when I told them I wasn’t 31-45 – that wouldn’t be good either.

A Single LDS (Mormon) Man… Over the magic 45 years old (in the huge catch-all group of ages 46-120 yrs old) … Barely Alive… His Mission, If He Chooses to Accept It, to find with the help of LDS Singles Activities (for the old codgers) …a celestial companion …this blog will self-destruct when he gets married.

LDS Singles Blog was started as a an attempt to find the humor in the above pursuit. Yes there are a bunch of LDS Singles web sites, yes there are a bunch of LDS Singles activites web sites, I even have one http://LDSSinglesFUN.com, but this web site, as far as I know is like no other. Why because I will be going to the LDS Singles Activities reporting about them taking a fuzzy camera photo (so no one gets upset that their photo is on my web site) and hopefully let you know which activities are the best since we all have limited time to attend them.

I will try to remain impartial in my reviews of LDS Singles Activities, and I will try to remember that it is no easy task to come up with ideas for activities but obviously some are good and some are not so good – often it depends on if you find someone interesting or enjoyable to talk with – or if you try to be friendly and assertive to help someone ELSE have a good time at the activities.

I will be trying to go to at least one activity per week – wish me luck